Tonight, I watched my daughter, Madison, beam with pride as she was baptized. 💜 I saw the happiness in her eyes, the glow of accomplishment, the warmth of the congregation as they congratulated her. My husband standing beside her. And as I stood there, happy tears filling my eyes, I felt something else creeping in.
The loss.
The realization that I will never have this moment with Garet. He never got to feel the pride himself that she felt tonight.
💜 The Storm of Emotions: Joy, Grief, and Everything In Between
It’s strange how grief and joy can exist in the same breath.
One moment, I was bursting with pride for my daughter. The next, I was sobbing for the son I’ll never get to see experience this milestone. I remember how Garet spent much of his childhood in church. And I now stand without him.
And tonight, as I watched Madison step into the water, I felt that ache settle deep in my heart.
💜 I am so proud of her.
💜 I miss him so much.
Two truths. Side by side. Crushing and beautiful all at once.
🌿 Nostalgia and Unexpected Connections🌿
Before the service, I saw a familiar face—a man I remembered from my junior high days. Back then, he worked at my school, and we all thought so highly of him. Tonight, I finally had the chance to tell him.
And I’m so glad I did.
He beamed with pride, just like I did for Madison. I got to meet his grandson, whom he is raising. And in that moment, I realized how much life is full of these unexpected connections—people weaving in and out of our lives, leaving little pieces of themselves with us.
Maybe that’s why, by the time Madison stepped into the baptismal, I was already so deep in nostalgia. Maybe that’s why the weight of past and present felt so heavy all at once.
💜 Grief Doesn’t Cancel Out Joy—But It Changes It
I think that’s something I’m still learning. Grief doesn’t take away the joy of the present. It just shapes it. Colors it. Fills it with layers.
💜 I can be proud of Madison while mourning Garet.
💜 I can cry happy tears and grief-filled ones in the exact moment.
💜 I can celebrate my living children while carrying my lost child in my heart.
And that’s okay.
Because love is big enough for all of it.
🌿 Life, Love, and Moving Forward with a Full Heart🌿
Tonight was a reminder of how complex this journey is. How we can stand in sacred, joyful moments while still carrying deep loss. How love doesn’t disappear—it simply shifts, expands, holds space for the living and the ones we miss.
And as I watched my daughter, so proud of herself, I knew—this moment is hers. And I will hold onto it, even with the ache.
Because grief and joy are not enemies. They are two sides of the same deep, endless love.
💜 Have You Ever Felt This Mix of Joy & Grief?
If you’ve ever stood in a moment of happiness while carrying the weight of loss, you’re not alone. I’d love to hear how you navigate these emotions—drop a comment below. 💜
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