Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time for family, gratitude, and connection. But what happens when your heart is broken? When the person you’d normally be hugging at the table is no longer there? When the turkey and the pie and the laughter feel like echoes of a life that used to be?
For some, the holidays are not a celebration. They are a reminder. A missing seat. A memory that stings instead of warms. And for those, like a friend of mine, who lost her son on Thanksgiving Day, it’s not just the holiday—it’s the anniversary. It’s grief layered on grief, and it can feel impossible to carry.
So how do we do it?
How do we survive the holidays when our hearts are shattered?
Here’s what I’ve learned—both from my own grief and from walking beside others through theirs.
The Holidays Feel Heavier After Loss
Grief has a way of magnifying everything. And during the holidays, it turns the volume all the way up. (Confession: If it were possible to hibernate, I can tell you I would get in bed now and not get out until April 1st.)
You might:
- Dread the traditions that now feel hollow
- Feel angry or resentful toward those who still have what you’ve lost
- Worry about pretending you’re “okay” when you’re absolutely not
- Want to skip it all and hide under a blanket until January (or April 😉)
This is normal. You’re not broken. You’re grieving.
And when the day of a loss and the holiday land on the same square of the calendar? That’s a weight very few people understand. If you’re feeling the urge to scream, cry, or disappear — you’re not alone.
There Is No Right Way to Grieve the Holidays
Let go of the shoulds.
You do not have to:
- Show up to every dinner
- Cook the whole meal
- Act cheerful for everyone else
- Post happy family photos online
Instead, ask yourself: What do I need?
Do you need quiet?
Do you need to talk about them?
Do you want to go to the big family dinner—or create something smaller and more comforting?
Give yourself permission to do whatever helps your heart breathe.
Grounding Rituals to Help You Get Through
Here are a few simple things that may help make the day feel more manageable:
1. Make a Plan
Grief hates surprise. Decide ahead of time what you can handle, and make a plan B in case it changes.
2. Honor Their Memory
Set a place at the table. Light a candle. Tell a story. Cook their favorite dish. Say their name. Include them your way.
3. Write a Letter
Speak the words you can’t say aloud. Tell them what you miss. What’s changed. What hasn’t. Let yourself connect. (This can be so cleansing for your heart.)
4. Schedule Space for Yourself
Take a walk. Sit in the car. Listen to a song that makes you cry or makes you breathe. Make room for the waves.
5. Start a New Tradition
Maybe the old way hurts too much. That’s okay. Maybe this year it’s just pancakes on the couch. Or volunteering. Or driving around to look at lights. It’s still a tradition — and it’s yours.
For the Friends and Family Who Love Someone Grieving
If someone you love is hurting this holiday, here’s what you can do:
- Don’t assume they’re okay just because they’re smiling.
- Let them talk about their person.
- Ask how they’d like to spend the day.
- Offer to run errands, make food, or sit in silence.
- Understand if they need to leave early — or not show up at all.
- Don’t force cheer. Offer comfort.
Your presence matters more than your words.
The Hard Truth and the Gentle Hope
The truth? Holidays after loss will never be the same.
But that doesn’t mean they can’t still hold meaning.
It just means we may need to rewrite the rules. Rebuild the day. Honor our grief and our life at the same time.
So if you’re facing Thanksgiving with a tender heart, please remember:
- You are not alone.
- You don’t have to pretend.
- Your grief is welcome at the table.
Take the day one moment at a time. Breathe. Cry. Laugh if it sneaks in. And above all, feel what you feel.
You are allowed to be a little bit broken and a little bit whole.
You are allowed to survive—even this. And if you need to reach out? I’m here.
Journal Prompt:
What would you say to your person if you had one more Thanksgiving together? Write it down. Let it be raw, messy, angry, or beautiful.
CTA:
If this spoke to you, I invite you to share it with someone else who may be dreading the holiday season. And if you’re looking for gentle support in your grief journey, you are welcome here.
Love and Light ~ Mandy 💜
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